All posts by Rabbi Daniel Lapen

$uccessful $piritual Parenting

Dave had a fifteen-year-old son who dreamed of becoming a firefighter. Driven by the vision of his child taking over his law practice, Dave forcefully encouraged him to join the debate team, focus on academics and eventually get his law degree. His son did so, and joined his father’s firm. He did fine, but always regretted not following his passion.

For some parents it’s academics for others, sports.  People often drive their children to fulfill their own ambitions or force their children onto paths intended to enhance their own social aspirations.  Far too many parents don’t listen to the child’s soft voice trying to find expression.

Living our life through our child while remaining indifferent to his unique qualities is not right.  God granted us the privilege of nurturing one of His children to adulthood.  Part of the thrill of parenting is learning to know that little person and gradually guiding that child to achieve full potential in whatever he or she was created to do. Continue reading $uccessful $piritual Parenting

Dancing With Snakes

I did not participate in the hysterical outpouring of emotion and mass mourning for Michael Jackson.  I think he was a terribly tragic figure who lived a lonely life and died a lonely death.  But he certainly could dance.

His famous ‘moon-dance’ was magical.  Smooth and seductive, it was hard to tear your gaze away; deceptively simple but almost impossible to replicate.  And it wasn’t just Michael Jackson’s feet.  He carried off the stunning illusion of moving backwards while walking forward, by employing his entire body.  His posture, the tilt of his head, and the swing of his arms were just as important as his fancy footwork.

One doesn’t have to admire everything about a man in order to learn something valuable from him.  How we carry our bodies is important.  Do we sit or slouch?  Do we stand or stoop?  Do we stride purposefully or saunter languidly?  These things impact our mood and our effectiveness. Continue reading Dancing With Snakes

Wait Til You Hear This…

Have you seen the latest episode of Gossip Girl? Read National Enquirer lately? How about People Magazine?  Decrying gossip may seem quaint today, but with over one hundred magazines, TV shows and websites selling gossip, maybe we ought to remind ourselves of its dark side.

The more we value something the more specific we are in discussing it. For instance, to me, flour is just flour.  However, if I’m shopping for my wife I am forced to differentiate between unbleached, bread, whole wheat and various other types.

The Bible contains many different words for ways to communicate because it places such high value on human connection.  These words are not interchangeable; each has a specific meaning.

Leviticus 19:16 is commonly translated as:

Do not go about spreading slander among your people…

The Hebrew literally reads as:

Do not peddle gossip among your peopleContinue reading Wait Til You Hear This…

Thought Tools

Ninety years ago, in June 1919, World War I officially ended with the signing of the Treaty of Versailles. French field marshal, Ferdinand Foch, famously said, “This is not Peace. It is an Armistice for twenty years.” He was out by three months! By September 1939 France was again at war with Germany.

A year earlier, in September 1938, British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain returned from meeting with Adolf Hitler in Munich saying, “…a British Prime Minister has returned from Germany bringing peace with honor. I believe it is peace for our time.” Only one year later German bullets were killing British boys.

Prime Minister Chamberlain was undeniably an intelligent man. He had done far better in school and university than had Winston Churchill, yet it was Churchill who in the early 1930s knew that war with Germany was inevitable.

In politics, as in wealth creation and successful family life, wisdom is far more important than intelligence. This is great news because there is not much we can do to increase our intelligence, but we can certainly increase our wisdom. Continue reading Thought Tools

Weightless Work

Terry really didn’t feel like mowing the lawn. Nevertheless, he cranked up the mower and got to work.  For the first half hour Terry grumbled.  During the next half hour, he was silent.  An hour into the job, he began to whistle and then to sing.  When the job was done and his lawn looked like a golf green, Terry was so elated he was sorry his work was finished.

Just occasionally, when we undertake a much detested duty, we find the task sweeping us along in a rapture of enthusiasm.  Wouldn’t it be useful if we knew how to approach all our tasks so they lift us and carry us along to completion as a cresting wave carries the ebullient surfer towards the shore? Continue reading Weightless Work

Up the Down Staircase?

“Man on Wire” is the title of a 2008 movie documenting Philippe Petit’s 1974 high wire walk between the twin towers of the World Trade Center, a quarter of a mile above the streets of Manhattan.  The movie enchanted me.  More importantly however, the film maker’s camera revealed a truly vital life lesson. During the entire forty-five minute stunt, I never once saw Philippe look down.

This really resonated with me because when I first learned to ride a motorcycle, my instructor insisted that when going into a curve, “Fix your eyes on the end of the turn.”  Focus your eyes on where you want to go because where you look is where you will end up.

Well, I seldom ride motorcycles and I never walk a tight rope but many times each day I do have the opportunity of focusing my vision on the destination I wish to reach. I am sure you do too. Continue reading Up the Down Staircase?

THOUGHT TOOLS

NEXT

Although it is finally my turn I feel no delight when, without even glancing up, the post office clerk yells out Next!  I understand that she has experienced a tiring day; maybe even a frustrating one but her strident summons dehumanizes me.  I feel as if my identity has been stripped away and I am now just another item being mechanically processed in numerical order.  Thats right; I have become just a number.  Take a ticket.  Next!

Turning a unique human being into an impersonal number can induce psychic disintegration.  This is why the Nazis, in their evil twisted genius, tattooed a number onto the arms of their concentration camp victims.  Though not in the same way, most militaries need to give new recruits identification numbers for organizational purposes, but to its great credit, the United States military places upon each soldiers uniform, his name not his number.

These reflections while waiting at the post office helped me understand in a deep, visceral way why God reacted so angrily when King David counted the people of Israel as described in the last chapter of the book of Samuel.  

“…and Davids heart troubled him after he had counted the people and he said to God, I have sinned greatly  in what I have done… 

(II Samuel 24:10)

Counting people, treating them as numbers, diminishes the uniqueness that makes each special.  This would explain Gods displeasure at King David diminishing the people of Israel by counting them.  But wait just one moment.How about these verses: Continue reading THOUGHT TOOLS

Pathways from Poverty to Prosperity

Bible festivals were never merely holidays to the Jews—they were holydays.  The difference is that on a vacation or a holiday you don’t have to go to work or do things.  On a holyday you get to do things, very special things that polish your personality, sculpt your soul, and redirect your life.

Furthermore, Bible holydays are not random events scattered around the calendar.  They are exquisitely positioned highlights in the tapestry of time.  Each holyday is linked, not only to the beating heart of a living nation but also to every other holyday in a synchronized system of spiritual development.

Take for instance the holyday of Shavuot, widely known as Pentecost, which we start celebrating next Thursday night.  

This holyday is bound up with Passover, celebrated seven weeks earlier, by a formal count each day which marks the march of the forty-nine days connecting the two holydays like forty-nine steps along a pathway.  

The pathway starts with Passover, chiefly characterized by the eating of unleavened crackers known in Hebrew as matzo or LeCHeM ONI.  The word LeCHeM means bread, while ONI possesses several meanings but the one of interest to us here is POVERTY.

Thus, the Torah instructs that on Passover,

“….seven days shall you eat matzo… the bread of poverty….”
(Deuteronomy 16:3)

The pathway ends with Shavuot or Pentecost (from the Greek for 50 referring to Shavuot being the fiftieth day from Passover) celebrated with bread, as described in Leviticus 23:15-20.  Ancient Jewish wisdom explains that while unleavened bread or matzo is rightly described as the bread of poverty, it is regular bread which is known as the bread of prosperity. Continue reading Pathways from Poverty to Prosperity

THOUGHT TOOLS

Psst! WANT TO BECOME FAMOUS?

What regular daily activity did Ronald Reagan, Winston Churchill, Harry Truman, and General George Patton all share?  The answer is that along with many other distinguished men and women, these leaders all kept diaries.

If you consider it a coincidence that many famous people happen to have kept diaries, youd be wrong.  It is not that eminent personalities keep diaries.  It is that ordinary people who keep diaries often become notable.  All the diarists listed above started keeping diaries long before they became famous.

Let me explain with a nugget of ancient Jewish wisdom. 

Upon leaving Egypt, the Israelites were directed to count formally each passing day for seven entire weeks until the fiftieth day which would be the holyday of Shavuot or Pentecost.  This is the day on which God gave Moses the Ten Commandments on Mount Sinai.  (Leviticus 23:15-16)  Thus, fifty days after acquiring physical freedom, they would acquire spiritual freedom by accepting Gods message to mankind, the Torah.

People often mistakenly assume that their counting reflected their eagerness to reach Mount Sinai and receive the Torah.  However, had this been so, the counting would be in descending order, just the way school children count down to summer vacation.  On the day after the Exodus, they would have said Today there are 49 days left, and thus day by day they would have counted down to zero.  In reality, the Israelites counted in ascending order, starting with one and ending with forty-nine on the eve of Shavuot, just as we do today.

There can be only one explanation and ancient Jewish wisdom confirms it.  We are not counting how many days remain; we are counting how many have passed.  The seven weeks separating Passover and Shavuot are meant to be 49 days of spiritual growth and the first step in authentic self-development is to recognize the passage of time and the value of each and every day.  There is no better way to do this than engage in a formalized daily ritual that marks each passing day.

In Judaism, the days of the week are numbered not named. Sunday is day one, Monday is day two, and so on.  In the Torah, the months are also numbered rather than named.  These are further examples of the stress placed on keeping ourselves aware of times passage.

Through old French and Latin, both the words journal and diary are derived from the word day.  Even the word journalist used to apply to someone who wrote for a daily newspaper.  It follows that the entire purpose of a diary or a personal journal is to record things on a daily basis.  

Most of us would take no more than ten seconds to think of three actions we could take that would utterly ruin our lives.  What is more, each of those three ways to destruction could be accomplished in just a few hours, at most.  However, if I asked you to think of three things you could undertake that would significantly improve your life, it would be much harder, wouldnt it?  What is more, once you did think of three life-enhancing actions, youd notice that all of them would take considerable time and require long term commitment. Continue reading THOUGHT TOOLS

Thought Tools

Foreword by Stan Lerner: Many  years ago I had the great opportunity to learn with Rabbi Daniel Lapen who is one of the greatest thinkers of our time. His move from California to Washington State in many ways left an empty desert where a sea of knowledge had flourished. Now because of the internet and blogs like downtownster the sea of knowledge has returned to our dry land.  

 Finger Pointing 101

Have you ever been put down by a silent sneer?  Have you ever sensed harsh criticism in nothing more than a raised eyebrow?  Have you ever felt your value as a person, as a friend, or as a relative minimized by someone finding fault in you or dismissing an achievement of yours as insignificant?  

Weve all been hurt by insults and criticism.  Now, how about the other way around?  Do you find too much fault with others?  Do your children fear telling you of their activities and their thoughts?  Are you far more lavish with criticism than praise?

If so, though you may be unaware, your friends, family, and co-workers may subconsciously avoid having to spend more time with you than they absolutely must.

If so, you are dogged by invisible forces that impede your progress.  They place barriers in your way and suck the joy out of your existence.  When life is good, it is often because you are surrounded by individuals who like you and want things to go well for you.  They place opportunities in your way, they introduce you to people you should meet, and they correct false impressions about you.  All of this takes place beyond your awareness.

However when the individuals who populate the broader reaches of your life view you as constantly critical, they may respect you, they may love you but they feel less comfortable with you.  Naturally, they do not go out of their way to help you.

Though they may not do anything actually to hurt you, merely the absence of their active support translates into hidden specters that obstruct much of what you seek in life.  The good news is that you can change this. Continue reading Thought Tools