GET THE RIGHT GUY

Foreword by Stan Lerner: WARNING FOR WOMEN READERS  if you want to spend your life alone or enjoy unfulfilling going nowhere relationships this blog is not for you. If on the other hand you want a real man, that knows how to treat a woman to share your life with, read away!!!

Get The Right Guy

Introduction

Ladies, since so many of you have wanted to read my book for men, “Get Chicks 101,” I have decided to write you your own book. Now, I realize that you have good intentions when you go snooping around “Get Chicks 101.” But it is indicative of a far greater problem, which we will attempt to solve in this new book.  In my book for guys, I was trying to turn them back into men. In my book for women, I am going to enlist your help in this effort. However, at the same time, I do want to have a serious discussion about the type of woman the right guy is looking for.

What qualifies me to advise you? Well growing up with a mom and two sisters, for starters. Perhaps even more valuable is this painful fact of my life: I have dated so many of you, I have frankly become an expert through life experience. Also, I am your average forty-something bachelor and I am qualified for that reason alone to tell you what men are really thinking about you.

Just to define average, let me tell you more about myself so that you truly know where I’m coming from. I am forty-two, I have never been married, and I have had no children out of wedlock. Most of the time I make a good living and I am my own boss. I own a home and drive a convertible SL500 Mercedes Benz. I do want to get married and I treat women well. I don’t smoke or do drugs and I only drink socially.

Not enough? I love kids and I am good with them. I write and paint as hobbies and I am handy around the house. I workout six days a week and I enjoy dressing well. I come from a good family. My parents were happily married for thirty-eight years and we talked almost every day while they were still alive. I love to have fun—movies, pool, dancing—all are big with me. And I am fine to stay home with some candles and a good dinner, which I am more than capable of cooking. So, if you are looking for a guy that fits this general description, I am qualified to tell you how to get one.

If on the other hand, you are looking for a guy who will treat you badly, be afraid of commitment, not make a good living, and cheat on you, then this book is not for you. You certainly don’t need my expert advice on how to land this guy—he’s everywhere!  Women write most of the books that will tell you how to land the wrong guy ironically enough. I cringe every time I see one of these authors being interviewed. They make their money by steering you towards your next relationship disaster, only so they can write a sequel to their first book—which is usually on coping with the unhappiness of being alone. Ladies, when you see these authors being interviewed, do they strike you as role models? I have yet to hear one say she knows what she is talking about because she took her own advice and landed a great guy.

No offence to Dr. Laura, Dr. Ruth, Oprah or Rosie, but trust me here. When it comes to guy advice, what are you thinking by listening to them? Dr. Phil? Would you date him? I didn’t think so. My point is simple. Women are the victims of bad advice—volumes and volumes of bad advice—political correctness gone crazy mixed with feminism. So, I have decided to step up and speak-out.

Why have men been keeping silent so long as women constantly drift down the wrong road? It’s complicated. But the short answer is simply that there are secrets that are supposed to be kept just among the boys. To get us, you need to understand us—and that information till now has been verboten to women. In the old days, your mother would have told you how to get a man. But most of you stopped listening to Mom a long time ago. And these days, sadly enough, Mom has her own problems. So, what you should have learned about men growing up, from other women, can now really only be told to you by a man.

Listen to me closely because there are a lot of great guys out there and one has your name on him. I am going to tell you many tightly held guy secrets. Don’t misuse them. My goal is to get you back on track to getting the right man. And I’m warning you now; some of what I say may come as a shock. But in the end, if you take my advice, you will have an exponentially greater chance at not only getting the right guy; you will have a great chance of keeping him. Continue reading

MONTEBELLO PARTY

There’s a sleepy, perfect little town just eight miles east of downtown Los Angeles and it’s called Montebello. My very being was crafted from it’s rich, fertile soil, water, and air—for this bad boy the party started at Beverly Hospital, where a nurse gave me my first gulps of libation, from a bottle, not a breast unfortunately, but I was a happy boy all of the same. I met Richard Zinman at Camp Montiqeua, while playing on the fire engine at Montebello Park—Ilene Rossoff introduced us and we’ve been hanging out ever since, forty-one years and counting. After Richard the friends piled up into a unique sculpture of souls–Walter, Christian, Randy Kubota, Damien, Richard Ramos, Albert, Zano, Pauline, Deane, Lisa, Peaches, Chris, Julie, Evette, Norik, Munoz, Lucy, the Garza’s Gary, Dennis and Kathy, Lori (my first) Robin, Susan Robinson (Oh Susan) Suzy Ross, Mike Smith, Andy Franco, Larry, Gabby, Andrea, David, Natasha, Ronnie, Mark, Lillian, Geri, Laura, Dennise, Dennis, Stacy, Eddie, Edward, Sergio, Leonard, Tony, Aram, (Mike Valdez, Mike Markarian and Craig Pike, may they rest in peace) and the list goes on and on and on—souls, perhaps not all as misbehaved as my own, but all with an appetite for fun equal to or exceeding that of my own. In short, for some reason a hell of a lot of the coolest people on earth landed in one little place, just east of East LA—at the same time!

Oh my friends, so many years, so many good times. Can the party still go on?

There are two words that should bring a smile to any earthly inhabitant’s face “MONTEBELLO PARTY”…Or for those who suffer the misery of not having grown up in the place of my most fortunate birth, THERE’S NO PARTY LIKE A MONTEBELLO PARTY!!!

I looked in the mirror and thought, “I’m forty-five and I can’t believe I’m still this good looking…Thank you Lord…And I think I’ll start going to the gym again one of these days just to make things even more ridiculous.” I headed down the stairs; every step reminded me of the groin pull that had relegated my love life to inactive status for weeks. “Oh, I need a good party,” I thought to myself. “What if I never have sex again?” I shook my head to rid the horrible thought and grabbed a bottle of Jack and a bunch of other booze, which I tossed in a bag and headed for the door—Montebello folk don’t show up empty handed!

Rosemary’s house is all of three blocks from my own so no need to drive. And then like music to my ears the air was filled with those familiar voices. I didn’t bother to knock, and then the hand shaking, hugging, drinking, drinking, drinking, eating drinking, eating, eating, eating and real conversation with real people began. And no Hip Hop crap played, just the 80’s finest…I felt like doing some lines, but of course I didn’t because drugs are illegal. “I’ll suck your dick or give you a hand job—I’m serious.” I won’t say who made this offer…Lisa grabbed me by the arm, hey do you want to go to J & S and get some bean and cheese burritos. “I can’t drive,” I muttered back. “I can,” said Lisa. Continue reading

iPAD—FINALLY ALL OF MY BOOKS ARE AVAILABLE ON iPAD

Let me get this out of the way, right up front…BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!! Finally, all of my books, Stan Lerner’s Criminal, In Development, Get Chicks 101, Get The Right Guy, Impact, Ninety Nine Post, and Blast are available in Apple’s iBookstore for iPad…There, fifteen years of work summed up in one sentence. But I wouldn’t be much of a storyteller if I didn’t have more to say than this…

It was about thirty-five years ago that I began sharing my vision with some of my close friends about not only wanting to be a writer, but wanting people to be able to read my works on handheld computers all over the world, in every language, and my words would be delivered through the air to these, at the time imaginary, devices. And because my friends were patient with me and had good imaginations of their own, I wasn’t dismissed as a SciFi crackpot. Rather, I was just thought of as crazy ambitious with an ego that seemingly knew no bounds. Not because I wanted to be rich or famous, but because I believed that what I wrote could make a difference on a global scale—especially if I could write and answer to no one other than I.

So as I watched my digital books take their place on the digital bookshelf of the iPad in my hand I couldn’t help, but to say, “Finally.” And I should mention here that this moment was made all the more important to me by the fact that Barnes & Noble and Borders had refused to put my award winning novel “Stan Lerner’s Criminal” in their stores—for no reason anyone who buys books can understand. The anger and frustration over my work being kept from the general public weighed on me heavily—my books becoming available on Kindle, Kobo, Nook, and Smashwords, did lighten the weight somewhat, but because iPad is much more than an ebook reader, meaning it will be used by the general public (EVERYONE), it’s the iPad, which has finally lifted the burden from my back completely.

Now while I’m the first to admit that there are technophiles far more qualified to revue the iPad than I, let me just assure you that if you try an iPad—you’ll buy an iPad! I have a MacBook Pro, I love it! I have an iPhone, I love it! I have a Kindle, I love it! And let me be perfectly clear—if you just want to read books on a light, relatively inexpensive device, Kindle totally rocks!!! And then there’s iPad, which combines elements of all of the previously mentioned, with some great new twists—all the more perfect because it allows you to experience these elements in ways / dimensions the others do not. Not that it replaces the others, it doesn’t, but it simply adds on to them. Being a couch potato these days just ain’t what it used to be!!! So yes, an iPad will be joining my growing list of things…

If I may depart from the iPad theme of this blog to focus on the central element of my childhood dream for a moment… Continue reading

Get Chicks 101

Foreword by Stan Lerner: I’ll keep this simple, while “Stan Lerner’s Criminal” wins the big awards, “Get Chicks 101″ tops the ebook download charts. I wrote this work as a satire of self-help books and somehow managed to give the best relationship advice ever given–go figure. Anyway, read this blog sample of the work and then click on one of the links at the end to either download it directly to your Kindle or using smashwords to anywhere else. And for those of you worried about the ridiculous amount of money that this classic is making (something like a million dollars a week) know that 90% of the revenue after transaction costs is being given to charity or to support the not for profit work of downtownster.com. AND YES, “GET CHICKS 101″ IS NOW AVAILABLE IN THE IBOOKSTORE FOR YOUR IPAD!!!

Introduction

Let me start by saying I’m not the best-looking guy. I’m certainly not the richest guy and, frankly, my personality is just all right. But I do have more girls to go out with than all of my friends combined. Not counting Hefner or any of the other guys who make their living off of hot, steamy, young flesh, I don’t really know anyone who has a better social life than I do. So, for the sake of social consciousness, I have decided to share what I know.

Now, I will try to keep this light and fun. But remember, dating girls is serious business. So, every now and then I might have to sacrifice some entertainment value to make sure you really understand and process what I’m saying. Please don’t get bored with me if I get serious for a minute. It’s for your own good.

Like most good stories, I will start at the beginning. (“The Godfather” and “Pulp Fiction” are exceptions.) This means with you, not her. Don’t think you’re so great that you can skip to proper thong removal technique before you’ve gotten yourself looking halfway decent and not sounding like a jackass every time you open your mouth. Simply put, you must start with arithmetic before attempting calculus.

Keep in mind while reading this book that men and women are not only different from each other—they are completely separate creatures. Women are indeed a separate species unto themselves. Most probably, you’ve heard of the book “Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus.” You see it’s well known that they are a different species, even by women themselves. Of course, if I had written the book just mentioned, the title would be something like, “Men Are from Mars and If You Want to Get Chicks, Hang Out on Venus”.

My goal is simple: to turn men back into men. Women will complain about this. But in the end, they really don’t know what’s best for them. They are very similar to the pet that will just keep eating until it explodes. So, by the end of “Get Chicks 101”, you will not only be equipped to deal with today’s woman—the most dangerous and treacherous of all time—you will actually be doing your part to save humanity from the evils of feminism. Only men can rescue the female species from extinction by stomping out their proclivity to want to become one of us (men).

By the way, a friend recently said to me, “Today, men and women just don’t need each other anymore.” This is simply bull! Even today’s space-age love doll technology cannot compare to the real thing. (Yes, I’ve tried… not bad… better than the old blow up model—but in the end not even close. And I have a pretty good imagination.) Let’s face it, even if they could make a doll that passed the Pepsi Challenge, it still couldn’t cook and clean. As far as them needing us—kids, mortgage, food, clothing, healthcare, transportation, and insurance all require more than the best penis substitute has to offer. So, we need them and they need us. I’ll tell you how to get them. I’ll tell you how to keep them, if you want to. And most importantly, I’ll tell you how to keep them in line so they don’t drive you out of your mind and then take half your money. Read on, have fun, and get the right girl!

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