Foreword by Stan Lerner: Many years ago I had the great opportunity to learn with Rabbi Daniel Lapen who is one of the greatest thinkers of our time. His move from California to Washington State in many ways left an empty desert where a sea of knowledge had flourished. Now because of the internet and blogs like downtownster the sea of knowledge has returned to our dry land.
Finger Pointing 101
Have you ever been put down by a silent sneer? Have you ever sensed harsh criticism in nothing more than a raised eyebrow? Have you ever felt your value as a person, as a friend, or as a relative minimized by someone finding fault in you or dismissing an achievement of yours as insignificant?
We’ve all been hurt by insults and criticism. Now, how about the other way around? Do you find too much fault with others? Do your children fear telling you of their activities and their thoughts? Are you far more lavish with criticism than praise?
If so, though you may be unaware, your friends, family, and co-workers may subconsciously avoid having to spend more time with you than they absolutely must.
If so, you are dogged by invisible forces that impede your progress. They place barriers in your way and suck the joy out of your existence. When life is good, it is often because you are surrounded by individuals who like you and want things to go well for you. They place opportunities in your way, they introduce you to people you should meet, and they correct false impressions about you. All of this takes place beyond your awareness.
However when the individuals who populate the broader reaches of your life view you as constantly critical, they may respect you, they may love you but they feel less comfortable with you. Naturally, they do not go out of their way to help you.
Though they may not do anything actually to hurt you, merely the absence of their active support translates into hidden specters that obstruct much of what you seek in life. The good news is that you can change this. Continue reading Thought Tools →