Foreword by Stan Lerner: Because it is before the weekend and downtownster has a considerable number of female readers, I’ve decided to post the following excerpt from my very funny novella “Get The Right Guy”. Ladies if you like this blog and desire to buy the novella you may do so at http://www.gettherightguy.com or as an ebook for your Kindle ebook reader on Amazon and if you prefer the old fashioned way, Metropolis Books on Main Street. All that being said please read on and enjoy, while remembering that this unfunded startup survives on the sell of my books—HINT.
Ladies, since so many of you have wanted to read my book for men, “Get the Right Girl,” I have decided to write you your own book. Now, I realize that you have good intentions when you go snooping around “Get the Right Girl.” But it is indicative of a far greater problem, which we will attempt to solve in this new book. In my book for guys, I was trying to turn them back into men. In my book for women, I am going to enlist your help in this effort. However, at the same time, I do want to have a serious discussion about the type of woman the right guy is looking for.
What qualifies me to advise you? Well growing up with a mom and two sisters, for starters. Perhaps even more valuable is this painful fact of my life: I have dated so many of you, I have frankly become an expert through life experience. Also, I am your average thirty-something bachelor and I am qualified for that reason alone to tell you what men are truly thinking about you.
Just to define average, let me tell you more about myself so that you truly know where I’m coming from. I am thirty-nine, I have never been married, and I have had no children out of wedlock. Most of the time I make a good living and I am my own boss. I own a home and drive a convertible SL500 Mercedes Benz. I do want to get married and I treat women well. I don’t smoke or do drugs and I only drink socially.
Not enough? I love kids and I am good with them. I write and paint as hobbies and I am handy around the house. I workout six days a week and I enjoy dressing well. I come from a good family. My parents were happily married for thirty-eight years and we talked almost every day while they were still alive. I love to have fun–movies, pool, dancing–all are big with me. And I am fine to stay home with some candles and a good dinner, which I am more than capable of cooking. So, if you are looking for a guy that fits this general description, I am qualified to tell you how to get one.
If on the other hand, you are looking for a guy who will treat you badly, be afraid of commitment, not make a good living, and cheat on you, then this book is not for you. You certainly don’t need my expert advice on how to land this guy — he’s everywhere! Women write most of the books that will tell you how to land the wrong guy ironically enough. I cringe every time I see one of these authors being interviewed. They make their money by steering you towards your next relationship disaster, only so they can write a sequel to their first book – which is usually on coping with the unhappiness of being alone. Ladies, when you see these authors being interviewed, do they strike you as role models? I have yet to hear one say she knows what she is talking about because she took her own advice and landed a great guy.
No offence to Dr. Laura, Dr. Ruth, Oprah or Rosie, but trust me here. When it comes to guy advice, what are you thinking by listening to them? Dr. Phil? Would you date him? I didn’t think so. My point is simple. Women are the victims of bad advice — volumes and volumes of bad advice — political correctness gone crazy mixed with feminism. So, I have decided to step up and speak-out.
Why have men been keeping silent so long as women constantly drift down the wrong road? It’s complicated. But the short answer is simply that there are secrets that are supposed to be kept just among the boys. To get us, you need to understand us — and that information till now has been verboten to women. In the old days, your mother would have told you how to get a man. But most of you stopped listening to Mom a long time ago. And these days, sadly enough, Mom has her own problems. So, what you should have learned about men growing up, from other women, can now really only be told to you by a man.
. Listen to me closely because there are a lot of great guys out there and one has your name on him. I am going to tell you many tightly held guy secrets. Don’t misuse them. My goal is to get you back on track to getting the right man. And I’m warning you now; some of what I say may come as a shock. But in the end, if you take my advice, you will have an exponentially greater chance at not only getting the right guy; you will have a great chance of keeping him
Forget the Rules and Use your tools
Let’s start with a little deprogramming. Many years ago, a terrible book came out filled with bad advice called “The Rules.” I thought, at the time of its release, that it was written as a bad joke. But much to my surprise, women took it seriously. An example: One night, while I was out at the Peninsula Hotel having drinks, I asked what seemed to be a very nice girl for her number. She gave it to me and I did indeed call her the next day to ask her out. No one was home so I left a message. You might know what I’m going to say next. Day one, she didn’t return my call. Day two, she didn’t return my call. Day three she returned my call.
“Hi Stan, it’s Julie.“
“Julie, we met a few nights ago at the Peninsula.”
“Oh…Julie…I called you a long time ago?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’ve been really busy.”
”So what’s up?”
“I’m just calling you back.”
“Why?” Pause. “I mean if you’re so busy that you don’t have the courtesy to call back someone you gave your number to, why bother to give out your number?”
“Look I’m sorry, I thought you were nice that’s why I gave you my number. I’ve just been busy.”
“Well thanks for the call. But anyone too busy to call me back for three days is not for me. So, good luck.” Click.
Thirty seconds later my phone rang again.
“Hey, it’s Julie. Look I realize I haven’t made a great impression. But let me at least tell you why I didn’t call for three days.”
“I thought you were busy?”
“I read a book called “The Rules” that said a woman should wait three days before calling a guy back.”
“You’ve got to be kidding?”
“No — really. The book says a woman shouldn’t seem too eager to go out.”
“Julie you seem like a nice girl or I wouldn’t have asked you out. So, let me give you some advice. Throw that book in the trash. Why would any self respecting guy want to go out with a girl who was not eager to go out with him?”
If you’re wondering how this ended, I didn’t give her a second chance. I thought if a girl could so easily follow such bad advice in the beginning of a relationship, the middle and end would probably be even worse. Since then, of course, I have come to realize that this was not an isolated incident and this misguided girl was just the first cloud of a coming storm.
So, let’s start at the beginning. Here is the most basic understanding of what makes a man tick — just to make sure you are working from a solid foundation. Sex! Sex is what makes a man tick. That’s ninety percent of what we’re all about. When a man sees a woman he does not think,” I wonder if she is smart” or” I bet she can cook and clean.” Nor does he consider if she likes sports, comes from a good family, or sings in the church choir. What a man thinks of when he first sees a woman is — either I want to have sex with this girl or I don’t. That’s it. Only two things. I want to have sex or I don’t. Keep in mind that a guy’s standard for making this decision can be severely influenced/altered if he is drunk or excessively horny from lack of sex. If you’re aiming to be a keeper, stay away from sleeping with men while they are impaired with either of these conditions.
Why are men so fundamentally motivated by fornication? It dates back to the time of Adam and Eve. Eve was literally created so Adam could have another being with whom he was sexually compatible. Adam, more than anything else, longed for a feeling of physical and spiritual oneness. Once Adam and Eve were evicted from the Garden of Eden and it became incumbent on them to be fruitful and multiply, the desire to have sex for pleasure was intensified by a new moral and practical consideration.
There you have it. Three very good reasons that men are almost completely driven by sexual desire. By the way, if you think money or career are important to men, you’re right. They rank just behind sex. But know this well. Money is primarily important to men because men need it to get women. I will dedicate a whole chapter to this later.
Hopefully, you understand what I am saying about the male sex drive. If you do, we can talk about the primary rule and the primary tool. If you want to get the right guy, you have to get off to the right start — and that means looking good. When Mr. Right takes his first look at you, he should want to impregnate you right on the spot. Notice that I said impregnate, not just have sex. It is to a large degree up to you which mind set you put Mr. Right into. If your body is rocking, then you can dress it like a slut for the night or as a wife to be. This is your choice. Your primary tool is your appearance. Like all tools, it takes a good brain to operate. But make no mistake — your hook is your look. This is what a guy is going to see first and it is what is going to create his mind set towards you — potentially for the rest of your lives together.
What is my recommendation? Look, I am the first to admit men have all kinds of different taste. But play the odds when it comes to your looks. Most guys like a girl who is in good shape; not anorexic, not a body builder; most men like women who are feminine and firm.
Dress nice — not too trendy, not too trashy — and always dress appropriately for the occasion. If it is thirty degrees outside, wear a long jacket over the mini-skirt. We’re not impressed if you look like you are trying too hard. Again, this is my personal opinion, but I like a girl who looks like she has it together. I see a lot of cute girls in their sweats at the coffee house that I want to have sex with. However, thoughts of a long-term relationship don’t cross my mind. They’re cute, but too casual — as in they look like they just got laid and rolled out of bed. Or, they’re too lazy to care about what they look like unless it serves their own agenda. Finally, wear dresses more often. Men are far more likely to treat you like a lady if you actually look like one.
You’re in good shape and well dressed, now what? Be approachable. It’s not easy for men to walk up to women and start chatting them up. So, when you notice a guy checking you out, flash an encouraging smile if you’re interested. Yes, your smile is another valuable tool.
If you’re chatting with a guy, introduce him to your friend or friends. Then ignore them and give him your full attention. Your attention is also a valuable tool. This has to do with respect. And if you don’t already know this, men need respect more than they need love. Tell a guy you don’t love him but you respect him more than anything else in the world — and he will still marry you if he thinks you’re hot. Tell him that you love him to death but you just have no respect for him —and most likely he’s out of there. If you have an inviting smile and respectful attentiveness, to go with your good looks, we’re making progress!
When it comes to the little things, you don’t need my advice on how to do them, but make sure you’re using them correctly. Here are some specifics:
The hair thing: when you start with the hair shake or brush back, don’t just do this to tease men or get their attention. It gets guys going and if guys like what they see, they will stare, expecting you to smile. Even a little teasing in this respect can lead to some seriously bad male attitude. Don’t shake the martini if the bar is not open.
The smile thing: if you show teeth and give a slightly shy look down, you just gave out an invitation.
The touching thing: when you are having a conversation with a guy and you put your hand on his arm or hand or leg, even for a second, he thinks you’re going to be doing a lot more touching later. This goes for the brush by and the lean over- to- get something- brush by as well.
If you fix anything to do with a man’s clothes or wipe something off of his face, he will like it. And believe me, he will not be confusing you with his mother. Men are however, into this, because we love it when you show some maternal instinct.
All right, let’s say you have a good one interested now. How do you close the deal? Well, in this chapter, I want to stay on point. So, while there is much to talk about with respect to keeping a guy, there is nothing as important as, you guessed it, good sex. The ultimate tool and so often misused.
If you want to keep your guy and keep him in line, keep him sexed up. Don’t ever ration him. And whatever you do, don’t hold out as punishment. Sex is a great reward for good male behavior. Holding out does not have the opposite effect. A man who does not get sex from his woman will seek it out somewhere else. If you want to get more out of your guy, give him more sex not less.
This is probably as good a time as any to mention the wait until after rule. Women are more emotional than men. So when you have something on your mind, you have a hard time not just blurting it out. This is a bad move if your man is horny and his testosterone levels are high. When your guy comes home from a hard day of work don’t start with vacation ideas, or “The we need a bigger house” drama. If you do, his reaction will be confrontational more often than not.
“I’m so busy at work I can’t even think about a vacation.” “There is nothing wrong with this house. Do you know how many people in this world would be happy just to own a house?” Now give this same guy a good meal and some great sex and then start talking.
“That was great. I wish we could just get away and stay in bed for a week.”
“Tell me about it, I’ve been working my butt off. I think it’s time for a vacation. Why don’t you plan something for next month?”
“That was great, you know what we need?”
“No, what do we need?”
“We need a Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom so I can wash your back.”
“That sounds good, but we need a bigger place for that.” Pause “You know we really do need a bigger place. Maybe, we should go out and look around this Sunday?”
Use your tools. Don’t play hard to get. Your looks, your personality, and your sexuality, when used properly, turn you into Fort Knox on two feet. Get your guy whipped and keep him that way. If your tools aren’t working, move on. A not-whipped man will never treat you right. Forget about the challenge, the bad boy, the square peg in a round hole. All of these things will just make you unhappy in the long run. If you have an axe, chop down a tree. If you have a drill, then make a hole. If you have a paintbrush, paint. Always apply your tools and skill set to the appropriate task. Or, as we say in business, “Know your market.” All right I’m hungry. It’s time for chapter two.