Pharmaka: Hook Line and Sinker

After a debunked trip to the MONA (closed on Wednesdays), I gave up and headed home. Article pitches streamed through my mind as I plundered through the unusually strong wind, the same wind that turned my attention to Pharmaka, 101 West 5th Street, Los Angeles, CA 90013. As I attempted to pull my hair out of the grips of the wind I looked up to see that Pharmaka was gloriously open. Not only could I see art today, I could get out of the ‘cold’.

Upon taking my first step in I new it; I love this show! Continue reading Pharmaka: Hook Line and Sinker

IS ANYBODY THERE?–Good

Over 100 films to his credit.  Six Oscar nominations.  Two Best Supporting Actor Oscars in hand.  Eight BAFTA nominations with one Best Actor award.  Twelve Golden Globe nominations.  Three Globes as Best Actor.  A knighthood.  And that’s just a smattering of the accolades showered on Michael Caine over the past five decades.  So, one now must ask what could possibly be left for a man of his talent and caliber to achieve at the tender age of 76. According to Michael Caine himself, there is one goal he still has, “I guess it would be to win an Oscar for Best Actor. I’ve never done that.”  Enter screenwriter Peter Harness who, with this first feature film, IS ANYBODY THERE?, brought Michael Caine to tears just reading the script and gives Sir Michael a role that may just garner him that elusive Best Actor Academy Award. Continue reading IS ANYBODY THERE?–Good

Ralphs Responds

As a product of Gen X and the 1980’s culture of “Greed is good,” I never imagined myself in the role of community advocate, let alone community activist. But whether it be the outrage of LA Live’s lack of community events in their not so public plaza or posting Vaughn Blake’s blog about Ralphs’ failing its’ customers—here I am.

            Unlike LA Live, in which I met with Vice President of Communications Michael Roth and have yet to hear back regarding any of our off the record conversation, Ralphs responded—and in a big way. As you may recall, I added a foreword to Vaughn’s post, so Ralphs knew exactly whom to call, and they did, to schedule a meeting with Store Manager Joe Martinez. Let me say here that I’ve found that while it doesn’t make for as interesting a blog if you want to get things done with the guys in charge like Joe, you have to be willing to go off the record—

             Joe took over as manager of Downtown Ralphs just four months ago and with this in consideration I was more than willing to hear him out. But after hearing his explanation as to what’s been going on with the store as of late; I could only stand firm on the position taken in Vaughn’s blog—Ralphs needed to start raising the bar back to where it once was positioned when the store first opened—starting with more cashiers and shorter lines. Also, a staff with a renewed sense of being part of a community, namely ours, that is happy to have a job and not just be looking to take home a paycheck.

            To Joe Martinez’s credit, pay attention to this Michael Roth / AEG LA Live, the staffing was changed in less than 24 HOURS. At least three cashiers were put on until 11:00pm and two until closing and the u-scan open until midnight. I came to see with my own eyes the lines that had been extending down the aisles during the late night hours—GONE! THANK YOU JOE! Continue reading Ralphs Responds

GRAND AGAIN

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Foreword by Stan Lerner: Last August I found myself at the Northern tip of Michigan on Mackinac Island. Famous for fudge and horse drawn carriages, no cars are allowed to drive on the island, I sat on the porch of the Grand Hotel in suit and tie and wrote a poem. Consider this a downtownster travel post and maybe something a little bit more.

A Poem By Stan Lerner

On the porch of the Grand I sat and rocked.
And to myself I talked.
I talked to myself about the air, not on the island but out there.
Too often polluted by despair.

On the porch of the Grand I sat and rocked.
And to myself I talked.
I talked to myself about the Rouge Plant asleep, a betrayed soul which was all of ours to keep.
Once a symbol of might, now a symbol of darkness like the night.

On the porch of the Grand I sat and rocked.
And to myself I talked.
I talked to myself about hearing the old tired voice of Robert Frost speak of the road less traveled—an endeavor in which I have also dabbled.
There was indeed a fork in the road, a part of life which we have all been told.

On the porch of the Grand I sat and rocked.
And to myself I talked.
I talked to myself about click, click, klop, click, klop, a horse passed by.
A sound from another time.

On the porch of the Grand I sat and rocked.
And to myself I talked.
I asked myself, “Better off now or better off then? Will civilization need to begin again?”
I talked to myself about this a lot, click, klop, click, klop…

On the porch of the Grand I sat and rocked.
And to myself I talked.
I talked to myself about dress too casual, the few with vision, the abundance without, the profanity spoken by teenagers, how base we’ve become, and the beauty of an island surrounded by blue water that tolerates it all.
The Grand does make one feel small.

On the porch of the Grand I sat and rocked.
And to myself I talked.
I talked to myself about what might become of the rest of my years.
A bird flew near, then off toward a lighthouse no longer in use.

On the porch of the Grand I sat and rocked.
And to myself I talked.
I talked to myself about what might become of the rest of my years.
All of the hopes and a few of the fears.

On the porch of the Grand I sat and rocked.
And to myself I talked.
I talked to myself about taking time to love and time to think—a slight breeze blew from a direction I did not expect.
I watched as the flags moved by the wind and hoped we could all be Grand again.

Dodger Blue Once Again

Banner ads follow small aircrafts in the sky. The traffic around the 5 and 101 split is horrendous. There is Dodger blue everywhere, so much that I can’t even see straight. Man, it must be tax season.

Okay, I’m kidding. But, please forgive me. I’m a little giddy. It’s Opening Day at Dodger Stadium. Take a deep breath and say that aloud. It’s Opening Day at Dodger Stadium. Nice. 

 Unfortunately, due to work commitments, I couldn’t scrap the whole day and head out to Dodger Stadium. Let me rephrase that. I couldn’t scrap my work day and enjoy myself at Dodger Stadium. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to be one of the record 57,099 folks in the record-breaking crowd, especially as Hall-of-Fame announcer Vin Scully was throwing the ceremonial opening pitch to former MLB catcher and current Dodgers manager Joe Torre. Scully has provided play-by-play for the Dodgers organization for 60 years, the longest such tenure of any professional sports announcer (with one team.) And you know what? Ol’ Scully looked in better form than the opposing pitcher. Continue reading Dodger Blue Once Again

Easter at Midnight

Skid Row on Easter weekend; the scene is both sad and festive. Arches of pastel colored balloons float over the trash filled intersections. White folding tables are being set up along 5th street, as the hungry crowds line the sidewalks. There are long queues forming in front of the missions. This is the only celebration I am unhappy to see with such a full attendance.

 A man with a heavy accent shouts something obscene at me, and I pick up pace as I hurry down toward San Pedro. Today I’m on my way to the Midnight Mission, Los Angeles’s longest running mission, to meet with the president Larry Adamson. As I turn the corner, I recognize the icon on the side of a building ahead of me: a lonely figure in a trench coat.

 The sidewalks have been freshly hosed down in front of the business office. I walk inside.

After leaving my name at the front desk, I have a look at the bits of old bottles and other relics on display in the foyer. Later Larry Adamson tells me that when the mission moved locations, archeologists excavated artifacts from the remnants of the railroad that used to occupy this land. Continue reading Easter at Midnight

DOWNTOWN OLIVER BROWN MORE XS

Last week on Downtown Oliver Brown we ended with:

We followed Jared into XS the sixty-thousand-foot twelve-million-dollar-club. I no longer had ten million in gambling debts on my mind. My girlfriend was back in Los Angeles studying for midterms at USC or something…I felt that exited feeling that you can only feel in anticipation of a goodtime in Vegas. Steve Wynn was indeed a wise man. It was good that I quit while I was ahead. And then came the crushing of arms around my neck and breasts against my chest.

“Oliver,” panted April The Stripper into my ear. Then here tongue was in my mouth, so I couldn’t possibly tell her about my girlfriend Nichole. “You came back for me! Who told you I was going to be at XS tonight? Oh it doesn’t matter just so that you’re here and we’re together.”

 This week:

 Now as I described in previous blogs, nobody kisses like April. In fact nobody does anything like April and I’ve done everything. Anyway, the kiss was a mixture of pleasure and pain due to the right-hook the former First Lady, Barbara Bush, had delivered to my jaw at the poker table—sore looser that old dame. Then much to Whiskey Peet, Stan Peters, Dave The Jew, and Fat Andy’s delight she delivered several more bone crushing hugs.

“I love this mare…” Whiskey Peet hoisted her off the ground and spun her around in a 360-degree circle. “It’s about time you come back and saddle her up for another ride. Especially since she bought you that nice house to live in with her!”

Now as you may recall April bought the incredible house with the money she had won gambling at Whiskey Peet’s private casino—mostly while Dave The Jew and I were driving around hallucinating from a strong dose of peyote (Lophophora williamsii). Then she caught me by surprise by taking me there and having sex with me on the floor—while the boys apparently, rather than excuse themselves, took iphone pics. This conceivably facilitated my breakup with Misha, but had faded from memory by the time I had met Nichole. Continue reading DOWNTOWN OLIVER BROWN MORE XS

Matzvot

Foreword by Stan Lerner: a few weeks ago I predicted that a vibrant Jewish Community would emerge on Broadway, not to pat myself on the back or anything, but read this blog and tell me that I didn’t call this one.

Well, sederama 5769 has come and gone, leaving us with at least fifty-seven million new unforgettable Passover moments to love and cherish forever — venerable memories all, but the thing I keep thinking about is the gang of merciless Sephardi seven year olds who kept mugging me for matzoh in the hallways of our beautiful new Shul downtown. Those kids were street, yo, one of the hardest crews around: tight, relentless, organized; seamless in efficacy and design. In matching blue linens and insidiously misdirecting bowl hair cuts, they appeared not only harmless but adorable, to die for — I doubt there was a single adult among us who wouldn’t have gladly given our lives to preserve this paragon generation of future Jews – yet no sooner had one of them softly grabbed your hand to lay on the full heart-shmelzing big eyes and gap-toothed smile treatment than the other twelve would strafe in and converge from every nook and cranny to take your sucker tush down. “Where’s the matzoh?” they’d demand, but by that time it was already gone! Honest! Every bit of abikoman had long been found and ransomed — my own fully-grown Tante had already shaken me down for a ’76 Eldorado convertible in exchange for the packet of crunchy booty (I don’t know how that happened, really: in the spirit of the festivities I kept saying yes, and before I knew it I’m out 75 grand). These Jews are tough, and I can only thank G-d to be part of it, and that we had the blessing of a place and occasion to once again reaffirm our sweet, brutal commitment to each other. Continue reading Matzvot

Betty Booze

Foreword by Stan Lerner: so people have asked for the female counterpart of Downtown Oliver Brown—HERE IT IS!

Adventures of Betty Booze…

“A LITTLE BAD TASTE IS LIKE A NICE DASH OF PAPRIKA.” – Dorothy Parker

Look at the word ASSISTANT. What do you see? Since you’re the listener in this interaction I’ll tell you what I see. ASS. The fact that THAT word begins with ASS, can’t be a coincidence. Either you’re made to feel like one, treated like one, or constantly kissing one… with very few exceptions.

Pardon me while I pour a glass of whiskey….

Before starting this gig “dialoguiqly  accosting” the “privileged”, or as you may refer to them “celebrities”, I was ASS-isting them. Notably, Gunner Blaze, of the BAMBOO PALACE TRILOGY… With a name like Gunner Blaze, had I not been from earth, my initial deduction would have been: this f*cking guy’s a firefighting porn star. The latter I was correct about… got more ass in a week than David Hasselhoff does in Germany ALL year. That’s saying A LOT.

Excuse me while I prepare another glass of “juice”…

Okay…So… I’ve been trying this new whiskey called Bulliet, VERDICT…? Fongule’n heaven. Goes down easier than Paris Hilton. I first tried Bulliet at Seven Grand downtown… I THINK… had I not consumed enough to get the old version of Star Jones drunk, I may, right now, be able to recall the night, and give you a sufficient review of the drinkery. My apologies. I’ll go back, and give you the full breakdown.

Someone keeps liberating my glass of its companion… hold on, I’ve got to fix a new one… sorry.

Don’t worry, I won’t be getting that drunk when I do my next interview. I learned my lesson when interviewing Andy Dick… I wound up coked out of my mind, wearing a tutu and surrounded by midget strippers, who were by no exaggeration the CUTEST f*cking things I’ve ever seen.  It was like waking up in a David Fincher film, but not that cool because, as I said, I was with Andy Dick.

 Okay, sorry… sometimes I ramble… BUT, to get back to Gunner. Continue reading Betty Booze

Blazers Rip Rivalry Open with Win Over Lakers

Coming into Friday’s game, the Lakers remained atop of the Western Conference and just behind those impressive Cavaliers in the race for home-court advantage. The Lakers came in after winning six of their last seven and were still beaming after an impressive performance from Andrew Bynum against Denver. It was Bynum’s first game back in the line-up after being out for several months due to injury.

Still, despite their recent good fortune, the Lakers could not overcome a familiar and unfortunately, tenacious opponent. Continue reading Blazers Rip Rivalry Open with Win Over Lakers

Cutting edge focus on lifestyle at the city center, Los Angeles