All posts by Meaghan LiBrizzi

Meaghan LiBrizzi received her bachelor¹s degree in Broadcast Journalism from Quinnipiac Universtity in 2004. After college she moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in writing. She has spent the last three years assisting such luminaries as David Mamet and Natalie Maines, whom have nothing to do with her contempt for young Hollywood, but have everything to do with what she respects in an employer. She lives in North Hollywood, but her real home is ManvilleS a little place in the middle of New Jersey. She is a family girl and attributes any success she gets to the wonderful parents (Freddy and Babs) that raised her, and the brother (Jay) that taught her what true humor is.

BETTY BOOZE 3

FOREWORD BY STAN LERNER: Downtownster does not celebrate its first birthday until February, but I still feel compelled to post the TEN BEST downtownster blogs of 2009. And while I think all of our blogs have been great, these are the ones that readers read the most and gave us the highest level of props for writing. This particular blog let the world know that Downtown Oliver Brown had a sister and David Mamet’s assistant Meaghan had some serious talent–readers loved Betty Booze!

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Welcome back,

Question: What’s better than wearing a skirt?

Why in his right mind, he would ever say yes, is beyond me…  but I wasn’t about to question it. His ASSistant emailed me the address, and then after a nanny emergency, I was emailed another.

I was supposed to meet him that night on the roof at the Standard in downtown Los Angeles. That is definitely NOT where we met.

 When my friend dropped me off (in a 1990 Eagle mind you) I wasn’t at all surprised by the location, but I was convinced that I would have NO real one on one intimate time with him… which was disappointing. I could have swept him off his feet… (sigh)

 I had to show my I.D. at the door. The large man, accompanied by three other large men, was in plain clothes… which insulted my intelligence when I saw his surveillance ear piece.

He asked me if I had any weapons on me and then, as if he’d known me for years, leaned down and gently said “flask please, ma’am”.  I looked at him in my best “f*ck you, how dare you assume… (I can’t even finish that).

 I handed him the flask in my bag. He smiled, and moved out of the way, letting me inside.

There were kids everywhere! It was like Michael Jackson’s house at midnight. I looked around, my hands were sweating so badly, I could have taken a shot with the water shed. I tried to spot him, but there were just so many little humans running, screaming, crying, laughing, shitting, pissing, farting… you name it they were “ing-ing” it. Continue reading

BETTY BOOZE

REALITY BITES!
SPIDEY… When I was approached for the interview I was caught between the need to verbally and alcoholically humiliate them, and the overwhelming sense that even “I” was too good for them.  I knew I would need to get Heidi alone, so I could get her drunk and find out what she really thinks of that arrogant douchebag she claims to be married to. I chose the Library Bar Downtown, for the simple fact that I am quite confident that they have never actually stepped foot in one….a library that is, not a bar. Continue reading

The Adventures of Betty Booze VOL 5 Diva

Foreword by Stan Lerner: And yes, Betty like her older brother Downtown Oliver Brown just makes stuff up — so get over it!

“It only takes me one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth.”

-George Burns

BORDELLO – “a building where prostitutes are available”… ALSO a kick ass bar/club in downtown Los Angeles at 901 E. 1st St.

That was the meeting place for myself and one Ms. Lindsay Lohan, who in my opinion hides from her life and sits in the shadows of a jail governed by public scrutiny. If you’re a drunk, say it. There are a lot worse things you can be… has she never heard of a functional drunk… has she never heard of ME? It not only offends me as a proud alcoholic, but disgraces me as a successful professional.

Oh this was going to be a night to remember…

It was 7:15pm on Friday night. Lilo’s driver was picking me up at 10:45. I offered to take my own town car but she insisted on picking me up. I hadn’t requested this interview, Lindsay’s camp (as they call it in Hollywood) called me.  It was the first time a celebrity had requested an interview and my editor Sal was not ALLOWING me to decline, as much as I wanted to.

I called Sal.

“Hey Sal” I said, “What do you think about me trying my best to get her sh*t-faced?”, “believe me you’re not going to have to try,” he said.

That’s all I wanted to hear. So I went to the computer, found out what her poison was and went to the liquor store. She’s so-called sober, so what do I do? Find the one thing other than penis, she can’t turn down. As soon as I saw it on the shelf, I knew it was the one. It was called Diva Vodka and it was 900 dollars. The bottle contains diamonds and semi precious stones. Well f*ck me sideways, this was THE drink for Lindsay. Continue reading

“ABCENTS” The Adventures of Betty Booze VOL.4

Standing in line for the quarter machine at the lavanderia (that’s a Laundromat, for those of you who don’t live in Los Angeles) I thought for a split second, “am I really doing this?” and before I could ponder anymore, it was my turn. I started injecting bills into the machine, and it sh*t quarters into the tiny tin cup. Once I was done filling my Crown Royale bag with fifty dollars worth of quarters, I left.

I walked through the jungle of dirty looks given to me from those in there that were ACTUALLY doing laundry, Continue reading

BETTY BOOZE 3

Welcome back,

Question: What’s better than wearing a skirt?

Why in his right mind, he would ever say yes, is beyond me…  but I wasn’t about to question it. His ASSistant emailed me the address, and then after a nanny emergency, I was emailed another.

I was supposed to meet him that night on the roof at the Standard in downtown Los Angeles. That is definitely NOT where we met.

 When my friend dropped me off (in a 1990 Eagle mind you) I wasn’t at all surprised by the location, but I was convinced that I would have NO real one on one intimate time with him… which was disappointing. I could have swept him off his feet… (sigh)

 I had to show my I.D. at the door. The large man, accompanied by three other large men, was in plain clothes… which insulted my intelligence when I saw his surveillance ear piece.

He asked me if I had any weapons on me and then, as if he’d known me for years, leaned down and gently said “flask please, ma’am”.  I looked at him in my best “f*ck you, how dare you assume… (I can’t even finish that).

 I handed him the flask in my bag. He smiled, and moved out of the way, letting me inside.

There were kids everywhere! It was like Michael Jackson’s house at midnight. Continue reading

Betty Booze–The Note

“I always keep a bottle handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.” W.C. Fields

 Cheers.

So I called Gunner the other night to ask him if he’d allow me to interview him. His answer was yes, to which my response was “ it can’t be no, can it Gunn?” …

“no, it can be, it just isn’t” he said… I paused and took a deep breath, thinking to myself that he really needs to keep track of who can blackmail him for all he has…

I started a sentence … I didn’t need to finish before he said “when and where?” Continue reading

Betty Booze

Foreword by Stan Lerner: so people have asked for the female counterpart of Downtown Oliver Brown—HERE IT IS!

Adventures of Betty Booze…

“A LITTLE BAD TASTE IS LIKE A NICE DASH OF PAPRIKA.” – Dorothy Parker

Look at the word ASSISTANT. What do you see? Since you’re the listener in this interaction I’ll tell you what I see. ASS. The fact that THAT word begins with ASS, can’t be a coincidence. Either you’re made to feel like one, treated like one, or constantly kissing one… with very few exceptions.

Pardon me while I pour a glass of whiskey….

Before starting this gig “dialoguiqly  accosting” the “privileged”, or as you may refer to them “celebrities”, I was ASS-isting them. Notably, Gunner Blaze, of the BAMBOO PALACE TRILOGY… With a name like Gunner Blaze, had I not been from earth, my initial deduction would have been: this f*cking guy’s a firefighting porn star. The latter I was correct about… got more ass in a week than David Hasselhoff does in Germany ALL year. That’s saying A LOT.

Excuse me while I prepare another glass of “juice”…

Okay…So… I’ve been trying this new whiskey called Bulliet, VERDICT…? Fongule’n heaven. Goes down easier than Paris Hilton. I first tried Bulliet at Seven Grand downtown… I THINK… had I not consumed enough to get the old version of Star Jones drunk, I may, right now, be able to recall the night, and give you a sufficient review of the drinkery. My apologies. I’ll go back, and give you the full breakdown.

Someone keeps liberating my glass of its companion… hold on, I’ve got to fix a new one… sorry.

Don’t worry, I won’t be getting that drunk when I do my next interview. I learned my lesson when interviewing Andy Dick… I wound up coked out of my mind, wearing a tutu and surrounded by midget strippers, who were by no exaggeration the CUTEST f*cking things I’ve ever seen.  It was like waking up in a David Fincher film, but not that cool because, as I said, I was with Andy Dick.

 Okay, sorry… sometimes I ramble… BUT, to get back to Gunner. Continue reading